Can I be honest? I’ve had a hard time engaging with God lately. Maybe it’s because I have so much going on and I can't seem to find the time. Or, maybe it’s because I'm always sooo exhausted, I can only seem to think about the sleep I wish I could get. Either way, I finally made some time–just to sit with Him.
My husband and I were away on vacation. He was upstairs with the guys and I was downstairs in the bedroom. Alone.
I stayed in bed pretty much all day that Friday so I sat there, opened my Bible and journal. I was trying. But… the words in my Bible just seemed to blur. And I just stared at my blank journal.
And felt…just that.
Blank.
My mind was tired & body was so tired, and I had nothing.
I decided to turn my music on and look at some old pictures & videos of Parker. I smiled while I studied her face. When so subtly, I heard the Lord say…
“Remember when I healed her brain?”
My heart felt like it was pulled from my chest.
Tears filled my eyes.
I remembered.
And my spirit, which has felt asleep the last few months…suddenly awakened.
I wasn’t prepared for what came next.
“Let’s play a game,” I felt God say, “It’s called…’Remember when I…”
My heart burned. And my hands trembled.
And I opened my journal, and began..
“Remember when I heard your cry to get pregnant?”
“Remember the day you found out you were pregnant?”
“Remember when I provided for you and your husband?”
“Remember when I healed Parker's heart?”
“Remember when I healed you?”
“Remember when I…”
(I know these examples may not seem like much as you read this…but to me, they are deeply meaningful experiences I had with God. And there are more. More than I could share. And some, too personal to share.)
But what I want to say is…I began to remember.
All of these specific moments where He came through.
Where He showed Himself faithful.
Where He showed Himself kind.
Where He showed Himself.
Close. To me.
Presently involved in situations I didn’t know He cared about.
But He did.
And He does.
And He’s close. Closer than any of us can imagine.
And as I wrote in my journal, as I took time to simply remember, a song called “Remember" by Lauren Daigle came on. And no joke, the words were,
“I remember, I remember You have always been faithful to me I remember, I remember...”
“Even when my own eyes could not see You were there, always there...”
I was pierced to the heart. God came through to me. Even in spite of my sleep deprivation. Even in spite of my many unspiritual thoughts lately. Even in spite of my lack of effort to draw near to Him.
He was simply inviting me… to “remember.”
Remember.
We always want God to speak something new to us. We always want God to do something. To change something. And we should–after all, He is God. He wants His children to ask Him, to call upon Him day and night.
But there is something so sacred and so holy about just pausing to remember what He has already done.
The more we remember, the more we can trust Him. The more we can rest in Him. The more we know how very near He is.
David wrote, “I will remember the works of the LORD; Surely I will remember Your wonders of old. I will also meditate on all Your work, And all of Your deeds.” Psalm 77: 11-12
Maybe you too have had a hard time engaging with Him lately. Maybe you aren’t sure what to read, or write, or do. And it’s okay.
Because maybe you just need to look behind you for a moment. Take a breath and see how far He has taken you. Where the road has curved and bent. Where it was dark and scary. And where He brought you through. Where He met you and showed you how to walk.
Maybe you just need to take a moment to sit down, and remember. That time. And that time. And that time.
Because He is so faithful. And the things He does…are worth remembering. This is the sacred art of remembering.
And maybe He’s whispering to your spirit tonight. Maybe He’s inviting you to play a holy game called,
“Remember when I…”
Remember.
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